This Is Me

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Worship Mix


Trashed Trust

June 17, 12pm
       Maybe it's age, maybe it's just me. But I reached the end of my patience for people I cannot trust after this last incident. If you know me even a little bit, you know that I love to take pictures. And I love to share pictures. On social media, I share through facebook, instagram, and twitter occasionally. I put pictures within my blogs and have made videos and vlogs from photos. I share them because they mean something to me personally. I take pride and enjoyment in them and in sharing my life and adventures with others. I have only one request and that is that people do not take my photos and use them for their own or claim them as their own. To me it seems like a simple request, one that shouldn't be too hard to understand or comply with. Is it really that difficult to respect other people's property? I am aware that being behind a machine, having that anonymity, causes many people to act out and speak in ways that they wouldn't normally. Would you walk into my home and take a portrait off my wall and walk out and go hang it in your home as yours? Would you sell it or give it away to other people? If I was to come do the same in your home, with a portrait of your underage child, would you shrug your shoulders and say "oh well"? Would you be angry? Why is it ok to do these things online, without having or even bothering to ask permission, to just take what you see? Just as there are laws regarding personal property within my home, there are laws regarding personal property online. This isn't just a legal issue it is a moral one. If I saw you come into my home and take something and I stopped you walking out would you push me aside and walk out anyways? What if I did it to you?
I'm having a lot of trouble these days understanding people's mindsets and thinking, the way they justify treating others with no respect and no dignity. When it comes to the internet, it appears that people have absolutely NO regard or respect for others privacy, safety, or their feelings.
       This week, I posted my daughters grad pics. I was proud of her accomplishment and wanted to share that with friends and family. So I posted an album of her grad proofs that had arrived in the mail that day. All 32 proofs. My cousin, who I barely talk to, went and took at least a dozen of them and put them on her page as her own. She did not ask, she did not tell me, she did not tag me in them. Instead, she tagged someone else completely in them. Someone who has a shady history of being well, a perv. She did not ask my underage child or tell her either or tag her. She just took them and used them as she wanted. When I asked her politely many times to remove them, she refused. She told me to F*** off that she will do what she wants. When I asked other family to kindly ask her because she wasn't listening to me,  I got the same response. Hateful hurtful things, accusations, insults, and attacks. For asking for someone to respect a childs privacy. Is this what the internet does to people? Brings out all their worst qualities? Not that they were nice to begin with but hiding behind a computer or cell phone lets them think they can do and speak however they want and that they will rarely if ever face consequences. They seem to take pride in their ability to attack others without regard to how it hurts or affects others. Are people really that cold-hearted?
       This isn't the first time this has happened. It's happened many times now. And I no longer have family or friends I can trust because of it. I no longer am able to share my life, my enjoyments, my accomplishments, my adventures with them. Because whether it is photos or statuses or videos, or stories or poems or well, anything, it is stolen from me and used without my permission. I'm so tired of being taken advantage of and used. I am sick and tired of being treated as though I don't matter and like I am just garbage to be taken from and thrown aside. I have never been able to have anything that is truly my own because sooner or later it ALWAYS gets taken away from me. And those who tell me I have no right to be upset about it, screw you. I am PISSED. I have every right to be. I deserve to be respected and have mine and my daughters privacy and safety respected. I have done everything within my power to protect her. And I don't care if she is 17 or 71, she will always deserve that. online or offline, I always have and always will, do whatever it takes to do what I can for her and myself. And I don't give a rip who likes it or agrees with it or not. I have faced everything that's been thrown at me and come out swinging. There is NOTHING anyone can do that I haven't already faced.
       So I deactivated my facebook and made a new one, I removed all personal photos off instagram, and no one will be trusted again. Not even in the slightest. Every effort I have made to even be friends with people has been rejected or passed over, so I will no longer make the effort. I've been invisible to most people anyways, no one will care if I disappear. So I will. If I am going to be alone. If I am going to have be be as lonely as I have been for all my hard work and efforts, I'm going to just be lonely without  making any more effort.
I'm just tired. All my biological family has ever done is hate me and treat me with disgust and bitterness and jealousy. I might be a christian but that doesn't mean I am someone to be walked all over and crapped on. Turning the other cheek should never mean it is ok to abuse someone you claim to love. And my whole life has been filled with abuse, whether it be verbal, physical, sexual, mental, and emotional. I am done. Done with everyone, and done with this pathetic life and the pathetic people in it. I will live for no one but myself and my daughter. And if that means I die alone at least I will die alone knowing I made every effort on my own. It's time I live for me. And if others can't give me what I deserve they don't deserve to even be in my life at all. I'm better off without all of you.
       So if I cease to exist for you, know this is why. And I don't feel guilty one bit. Forget you, and the horse you all rode in on.

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